* Code to improve Google search: Frank's Weight Loss Blog: Day 21 (1/21/2009) -- 224.5 Pounds

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Day 21 (1/21/2009) -- 224.5 Pounds

It's now 7 in the morning, 3 hours after most of this post was written. I could delete what I wrote at 4 but I'll leave it with this message that you should take what I wrote with a grain of salt. I've heard plenty of married people say something like, "I love my spouse, but there are times when I dream about how nice it would be if I were single." Or, I hear parents say something like, "I would fight to the death for my kids, and then their are times when I think their behavior will be the death of me." Love is a difficult thing, whether it's a spouse, children, or photography.

It's 4 in the morning and I'm writing this while photos of the Colorado College vs. Millsaps basketball game load to Smugmug. Why would anyone be up at this hour working on photos? Good question and all I can say is that I would either be working on the computer or laying in bed unable to sleep because I'd be thinking about how I needed to get the photos loaded.

The January 21st post on the "Slice of Frank's Life" blog ends with a photo of me from 5 years ago, the first day I owned a digital camera. I wrote that rarely do I feel like that person in the photo and this is a good example of what I meant. Five years ago I didn't get up in the middle of the night worried about the things that needed to be done. I didn't spend dozens of my free hours each week glued to a PC at my house. It was a fairly carefree life. Three years ago I was much closer to that carefree life than I am today which might explain why I was able to successfully diet in the first half of 2006 and why it has been such a struggle since.

I try hard to not allow this life I'm leading to serve as an excuse for failure on the diet front. On a logical level, it seems like I should be able to eat less regardless of how busy I get. On a logical level, it seems like I should be able to carve out a few hours each week for walking, exercise, and stretching. Then again, I know that stress and the feeling of constant pressure from always being behind does trigger reactions in the body that sometimes make it hard to do the logical things. Sometimes I eat because I'm just trying to stay awake another hour or two to get closer to caught up. Sometimes I eat because it allows me to put off sitting at the computer for a few minutes. Sometimes I eat just to do something nice for myself. Sometimes it just gets hard.

Obviously I'm tired right now, both physically and mentally. Like that fly and the sugar water, I'll get away from the computer in a few minutes and I might get an hour nap that will give me energy for the morning hours at work. Then I'll take the afternoon off, come home and take a nap and start work on the photos of the Dallas game. That's the last group that needs to be done before the teams play again this weekend. Getting the tax info done on the trust fund will have to be done eventually. Getting the duplex put in order will have to be done eventually. Getting family photos posted to websites will have to be done eventually. It will either get done or it won't get done. I need 36 hours days and maybe eventually I would get caught up.

Before anyone worries about what I've written above, this is simply how I feel when I'm at my lowest. At this point in time, I don't feel like this very often. Come April when I'm trying to keep up with baseball, tennis, softball and maybe a little bit of Millsaps golf, I'll feel like the above just about every day. And come June, I will hopefully be feeling great that I achieved so much during the 2008-09 school year. It is what I choose to do, not because I feel that I must, but because I do gain a lot on the flip side by being productive, by giving back to the world, by building my skills, etc. My worry is that maybe I'm not recognizing the true cost of what I'm having to give to get all of this done. I'm seem to be on the same path my father walked with his health and that path was far too short.

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